Hello,
Our recent attempts at the domestic discipline lifestyle have not been very good. I mean when I have done something wrong, Steve tells me I am going to be punished and he spanks me but I'm not left feeling any different really than when mix spanking and sex for fun. I have been going through the motions, apologising after etc so that he feels like he punished me correctly but I don't really mean it. No that's not exactly true depending on what I did I might really be sorry but no more sorry than before I was spanked.
A good example of not really being sorry would be the other day when I was spanked for not putting the DVDs away correctly. Now this is something that really ticks Steve off while I don't see the big deal as long as they are in a case so they don't get damaged. Now I was sorry that I had annoyed him and believe me during the spanking I was very sorry and made a hundred promises not to do it again but once it was over it lost his significance, we had sex and it felt more like foreplay than punishment.
So I want to change that, I want to be truly sorry that I have upset him and sorry enough that I will make every effort not to do it again. I think what I need to do is make punishment spankings a different experience from normal fun spankings even though they do hurt like hell, I want a different sort of hurt but still without real damage.
Some thoughts are
1. Different room
2. Less spanks but with more intensity (hard enough to really hurt but not cause damage)
3. Slowly given so that I can feel each - a pause between each to let it sink in
4. Made to count or say thank you for each stroke (though this might feel silly)
5. Corner time before or after
6. Different position ( something I don't like but can stay put in)
7. Being told off (we have tried this once but I kept laughing)
8. No sex at least not till much later
9. Steve to stay fully dressed
10. Maintenance spankings at the beginning of the week even if I have to have punishment or have just received one
Well these are just a few thoughts I would love to hear from any one who uses any of these things and how it works for them or if you have tried any that did not work.
Also anyone with any other suggestions i would love to hear from too.
I would really like DD to work in our home but I am not naturally submissive to Steve so I know it will be hard, but I am willing to work hard to get there.
Hugs
Jess
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3 comments:
Here is an article that might help, it is along the same lines you are heading, make obvious distinctions between good and bad spankings.
The Good Girl/Bad Girl Spanking System
Clearly, a verbal reprimand should accompany the bad girl spanking, should include quiet or corner time for contemplation afterward, and definitely should not be associated with something like sex.
However, the crux of the matter may be embodied in one statement you make, and a contrasting statement in the referenced article:
Now this is something that really ticks Steve off while I don't see the big deal as long as they are in a case so they don't get damaged.
I hate feeling that I've disappointed my husband and I have NO desire to repeat the offense.
It may well be more a matter of you not accepting the importance of the issue at hand and not in the spanking process.
David
The things you have suggested sound like a good start. For me, it is all about the tone/atmosphere. When I am to be punished, Nick is fully dressed and I am naked from the waist down. I get a brief warm-up usually, followed by a very intense paddling. After about 30 seconds I would say anything to make him stop, but he keeps going until he's sure I'm really sorry and crying or just about to. We have not seriously tries corner time, but I think it would be beneficial. Maybe you need to communicate to your S/O that you don't feel 'punished' after a spanking. You could ask him to scold you during your punishment, or to not allow you to come during sex afterward. That is something that I find both humbling and punishing. Being fucked hard after a punishment with his groin area slapping your red ass and not being allowed to come, just used for his sexual pleasure. A fuck toy, if you will. Hope this helps.
River
Thank you both for taking the time to help.
Hugs
Jess
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